Please do not become a saucy barmaid.
Ok, but actually. Hi!
Life’s great. Things are fabulous. Thanks for the comfy new track pants. They’re amazing.
Here’s a brief summary of what I did today:
Okay, well I did do something, which was sit in a classroom and learn about how EVERYTHING IS HAZARDESS AND WE’RE ALL DOOMED. OH&S man. Good stuff.
So instead of complaining about how ridiculously boring and unnecessary it is to make a bunch of year 9s sit in a classroom and watch a video that was clearly put together in Window’s Movie Maker (love you Microsoft) by a giant squid about how not to get sunburn or hypothermia while working in an office building, I will present to you:
Rose’s Top 5 Tips on how to make Any Class Interesting (in descending order to create suspense)
5) Make it a practical class. Let’s demonstrate falling off chairs, tripping over computer cables, and straining our eyes from using computers all day every day. (Handy hint: Have an ambulance on speed dial.)
4) Make an entrance. Get one of those gigantic cakes that people jump out of. Jump out of it. And then let the students eat the cake. I would be all about that.
3) Wear a hat. I don’t care what type of hat. A fez, and Stetson, a beret, a party hat, a top hat, a pathetic paper crown from a Christmas cracker. Teacher’s in hats are way more interesting that teachers in not hats. It’s a conversation piece. It’s a distraction from the snooze worthy work we’re doing. Plus, my friend, you look dashing in red.
2) Have a dance party. Change the scene. Add dramatic lighting. Turn those vomit grey walls into something magical. I recommend disco lights, disco balls, disco attire and disco music. Learn about the probability of falling off your chair while rocking out to The Beatles (or whatever the kids listen to these days).
1) Role play as a pirate. I’ll set the scene:
The students shuffle into the classroom, books in hand, solemn expressions on their faces as they begin another day of classes. The walls are the universal colour of classrooms; slightly grey vomit. Chair legs graze the gum splotched carpet as the students take their seats. The bell goes, its shrill piercing dong ringing in the ears of those unfortunate enough to be too close to a speaker.
Captain Jack Sparrow enters the room.
‘Well then mateys,’ he says, leaping onto the teacher’s desk and gesturing with his cutlass, ‘I believe it’s time for our weekly dose of OH&S.’ He twirls a finger around his moustache, and it’s been a while since I’ve seen Pirates of the Caribbean, so insert your own witty references here, but you get my point.
Pirates are interesting. Be one with the pirate.
Anyways. Must go watch football.