Tiny Grass is Dreaming

Hi Mum!

You’re a fan of slightly inappropriate stories involving school aged kids, STIs, and foreign languages, right?


So as you know, language is complicated and messy and Google translate is not to be trusted because sometimes this can happen…


So we were in French this week, going over what we’d (supposedly) done the previous Thursday. Our French teacher was away so we’d had a substitute teacher. I was also away that day, so the events of The-Great-Thursday-Of-Uncomfortable-Substitute-Teachers all came to me via a detailed second hand account. Here’s what happened:


Substitute Teacher:

Okay class, today I’m going to teach you French, despite the fact I don’t actually speak French. I’m also going to confiscate your phones, yell at you with little effect, and keep you in for three minutes at lunchtime, but we’ll get to that later.

The class begins to translate a long and boring piece of text about someone visiting someplace and doing some things. A students comes across a word they don’t recognise.


Miss, what’s this word?

Substitute teacher:

Walks over, arms crossed and brows furrowed.

                Which word?


La grive. What does it mean?

Substitute teacher:


Does it say in your text book?

Both student and teacher look down the page. The teacher’s eyes widen in alarm. She hadn’t signed up to health class. This was FRENCH. Right?


What does thrush mean?

Substitute teacher:

Uh… a… rash? Umm…

The boys then took it upon themselves to do a Google image search, which is NEVER A GOOD IDEA. WE DID THIS IN HEALTH CLASS LAST YEAR AND WERE ALL SCARRED FOR LIFE. I don’t really know what happened after that, but I can imagine that it quickly dissolved into chaos and about half of our class received detentions for various unfair reasons.

I wish I’d been there.

Anyway, so in class on Monday, our French teacher inquired about how much work we’d done last time, and of course no one had done anything so we went through all of it again.

When we hit la grive, everyone started giggling.

‘What is it now?’ Asked our French teacher, who was nearly done with our immaturity, and rightly so. She sighed and went on. ‘So does anyone know what it means? It’s in your books.’

‘Thrush,’ snickered someone. ‘It’s a rash.’

‘A rash? No, it’s a small bird. They’re barbequing a small bird.’



‘What were you guys thinking – oh.’ And then we all collapsed laughing.

The rest of the lesson was filled with a lot of X rated humour which I won’t repeat here because apparently all three year olds have IPads or something these days (which is outrageous, I only have this school laptop. Hint hint. Nudge nudge.) and I don’t want them to stumble across the inner workings of my class, because that would probably be very traumatising.

So just remember kids, Google translate is not your friend. You don’t want to be on a lovely holiday overseas and ask for a barbequed STI.

Au revoir 🙂

❤ Rose


Here are some more Chinese to English translation fails that I found amusing.



About Rose E

Hi, my name's Rose and sometimes I make things.
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3 Responses to Tiny Grass is Dreaming

  1. Oh dear, Rosie – that is too hysterical! Love it 🙂


  2. Ro Evans says:

    Hi Rose, tried to like tiny grass dreaming with the little star but scared off by having to register to wordpress and make up & remember a password so advising my liking by old fashioned means. Very hilarious – you’re a great writer, giving Heather a run for her money Xx Ro


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