The Magic School Bus pt 2

PARENTAL GUIDANCE RECOMMENDED!

Dear Rose,stool

Challenge accepted. But first here’s a silly meme that features a school bus and poo (because you know, I’m weird like that :))

And now for my creation. Just so you know all the characters in this little script are bus drivers. Trace is kind of chief boss, Selena is a late 20-something aspiring film maker, Gino is a slightly sleazy older bus driver and Trav is an early 20s slacko bus driver. Here ’tis:

INT. BUS HEADQUARTERS: MID AFTERNOON

TRACE, SELENA, GINO, TRAV

TRACE is emptying a packet of Arnott’s Assorted onto a plate. SELENA sits at a table working on her laptop. GINO enters.

TRACE

Gino! Thanks for coming.

GINO strides to the plate and takes two biscuits, stuffing one into his mouth immediately.

GINO

Yeah – like I had a say in the matter, eh? What’s  all this about anyway? The missus wanted me at home this arvo.

TRACE

We’ll wait until everyone’s here before we start official proceedings.

GINO

Official proceedings? Official proceedings? Who do you think we are Trace – bloody pollies?

 SELENA

It’s about me – alright!

 GINO

Mmm?

SELENA

I’m not coping. All I want to do is drive my bus and what happens? It’s like a bloody orgy taking place right under my nose…I’m sick of it.

GINO (as TRAV enters)

Orgy? What orgy? What the frig are you talking about?

 TRAV

Orgy! OMG – what did I miss? Sorry, I’m late. Oprah was interviewing this Mum who’d had an affair with her daughter’s girlfriend’s step-Dad’s mother – couldn’t get away. But sounds like I’ve been missing the action here – what gives?

 TRACE

Head office asked me to call this meeting so we can discuss any issues you guys might be having on your, er, routes?

 GINO

That’s a good one, eh? Get it? Roots?

SELENA

Shut up, Gino! Speaking for myself, I’m just trying to earn a bit of cash to put myself through film school. I just want to drive my bus. I don’t want to look in the rear vision mirror and see steaming windows, legs hanging off the seat, school dresses hitched up…I mean, YUCK, right?

GINO

That’s no fair – I don’t see anything like that on my, ahem, route.

TRAV

I’ve got this real painful kid. She’s got this puffy hair and she sits up the front near me. She’s got ‘tude man!

SELENA

Diddums.

GINO

Well, if you really want to know. It’s the farting that gets on my tits.

SELENA

Your what?!

TRACE

Okay, guys – everyone calm down. This is supposed to be a mutually beneficial session for us all to let off a bit of steam, yes? How about we all go around the room and say something we enjoy about driving the bus?

 SELENA, GINO and TRAV are silent.

 TRACE

I’ll start, shall I? Hmm, let’s see. At the end of each term I make brownies for my kids – they love it.

 SELENA

And?

 TRACE

And what?

 SELENA

How, in God’s name, is that something you enjoy about your job?

 TRACE

Well…er…the little blighters love it.

 GINO

My ‘little blighters’ call ‘emselves ‘the beards’.

TRACE

C’mon guys. Someone must have something positive to say?

TRAV

Trace, that telly on the wall?

TRACE

Mmm?

TRAV

Does it work?

TRACE

I think so…

TRAV

Great. How ‘bout we catch the end of Oprah?

 

FINIS

 

There you go, honey. Hmm, a challenge for you? A story, post, script, etc written as you and what you are doing in 10 years time…dare ya!

Mum xo

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About Heather Gallagher

Heather lives in Ocean Grove with her beautiful family and a dog called Pip. She has a passion for quirky stories. Her first book, Ferret on the Loose, was published in 2013 and was recently listed on the Victorian Premier’s Reading Challenge. The book was inspired by a girl and her ferret, who Heather interviewed while working as a freelance journalist for The Sunday Age. Her column, Yak Attack, ran in the Kids View section for more than a year and allowed Heather to profile people she thought would be of interest to kids. In 2014, she released her first picture book Happy Pants – Why is mummy so sad? This is NOT a story about ferret racing. Rather, it is a heartfelt story about a boy grappling with his Mum’s post-natal depression. Heather’s stories for children have appeared in black dog books Short & Scary anthology and Explore and Challenge magazines. Heather has experience in public speaking – both for children and adults. While, promoting Happy Pants she spoke to groups of counsellors, nurses, parents and at library events. She has presented writing workshops to primary-aged children. Last year, she was a presenter at the Sacred Edge festival and the Christian Writers’ Conference.
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2 Responses to The Magic School Bus pt 2

  1. theeferret86 says:

    OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE

    Like

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